Sex and Beliefs
Thursday, February 22, 2007
| There is a lot of debate going on Melody's blog (here) talking about Desi girls and sex. This actually started here with Sakshi's blog about India and sex. As we see often enough in reality, people believe their views are being attacked, when they really are not. Everyone has views, and if you are an intelligent person, you will respect other views even if you do not believe in them. This is a part of the requirements to sit at the big kids table. But in so many cases, someone will talk over you, tell you that it's wrong to think that... but they are wrong in doing that. Our thoughts make us who we are. Our experiences and family life, molds us into the people that we are, good or bad. It is only through opening your ears and minds that you can begin to grow as a person. We must accept what other people believe, whether we want to or not, just because it is the polite thing to do. What happened to common courtesy and respecting your fellow man? What happened to treat others as you would be treated? This includes listening to others when they talk and....respectfully discussing differences in opinions. It also includes leaving the arrogance at home, as well as, the condescending tone to others that do not think the way you do. But with all that......somewhere along the lines.....the idea got left behind. With this topic, family values bring out a passion in people that many subjects do not. I was raised to always give value to others opinions. And this, I always try to do. The idea of sex and culture will forever be intertwined. I believe that we (as a world, not a country) should teach abstinence, but also teach how to protect. Many years ago, pregnancy was the worst thing that could happen. Today...death is! I will stand toe-to-toe and argue heatedly with anyone that says we need to go to Africa and teach them about abstinence. On that front, I think these people are naive and blindly following faith....at the cost to others. AIDS is ravaging that country and children and adults are dying alike. There are times when you must face reality and fight the problem with a clear head. For those of you who have never seen what AIDS can do, you can't possibly imagine the emotional roller coaster ride that you experience. You can't possibly imagine how hard it is when the people you love most are falling apart as they watch family die. There is hope with most cancers....you do not necessarily sign that death warrant.....it is not the case with AIDS. You are and will die....not options. Until you watch someone waste away until there is no life left, even as they breathe, you cannot possibly understand. There may have been an excuse to play ignorant 30 years ago, then..it was mistake..... but now it is due to stupidity. To stand by faith instead of informing people who have less than everyone else without giving them what they need most.....KNOWLEDGE.....then you are a fool. If people are so secure in their beliefs, then what does it matter to tell both sides of the story? By only telling what you think, you do yourself and your beliefs a disservice. By being informed of all sides, people are able to make intelligent decisions that best fits them. Teaching about abstinence, as well as, protecting yourself makes a more educated world and could save lives. If we want to help people, we should all start with opening our minds and letting opposing opinions in to make a more well-rounded view about all cultures, not just our own. I think that the general message that was trying to be expressed got lost in those other blogs. Many of us believe that all sides should be told, regardless of religious beliefs. That was the point that was trying to come to light. All beliefs are valuable.....none more than others. |
Labels: Beliefs, Culture, Religion, Sex
posted by Sonya @ 2/22/2007 02:57:00 PM, ,
Courtship Song and Speciation Events...
With the world developing as fast as it is, there are many things going on around us without our knowledge. Most things in nature occur at a slow pace. Speciation is one of these events that occurs relatively quickly, but usually not at a rate that you can sit back and watch each step in your lifetime.
On the science blog, I wrote about how hard it is to define a species and speciation. There are many points of view and criteria that can define a given species. But all that aside, all definitions understand the importance of reproductive isolation. This is the absence of gene flow between two or more populations. This is not necessary to define a species concept, but it does define species boundaries.
What is reproductive isolation? This is when two populations (of the same species) no longer reproduce with each other (no genes flowing back and forth between the populations). This will lead to changes in allele frequencies dependent on the population. There are many types of barriers/obstacles that can block reproduction. We can further categorize these obstacles into pre-zygotic (before actual mating) and post-zygotic (after mating) barriers. Some pre-mating are behavioral isolation (not recoginzing as potential mates) and spatial isolation (not near enough to mate). Post-mating are mechanisms that block copulation all the way to the egg being fertilized but aborted. There can be mechanisms after birth such as sterility of all offspring.
As we all know (i.e., nature shows, class, etc.) animals behave differently across species. One courtship may be different than another courtship even in closely related species. Think of courtship as a test. When the male (most often) performs the courtship correctly, he may win the prize (passing on genes) with the other partner administering the test. This even more tricky, because the questions being asked by each sex may be different based upon fundamental sex differences concerning current and future investment in the offspring. It is through the courtship ritual that the questions are answered by communicating through visual, chemical, auditory and tactile cues.
So what of species that only differ in their courtship signals? It can be assumed that greater differentiation in signals significantly act as species recognition factors. This is especially true in sympatric species (reside in same environment). Closely related (but not reproducing with each other) would have very different courtships only recognized by their species. On the other hand, it can also be assumed, closely related species (only differening in their courtship signals) raised allopatrically (different environments) could have very similar, if not almost identical, courtship displays. In fact, this is what is seen very often. There are the Laupala crickets of Hawaii that have undergone rapid, intra-island species radiations on different islands of the archipelago. Thus, species confined to different islands do not have the problem of confusing their signals and can have nearly identical courtship songs without the consequences of wasted time and energy on females that will not mate with them. You might wonder what the females would do in a situation where both species of males are present. It has been shown that the females will choose a conspecific male (her species) over a heterospecific male (other species) most often.
Why is there divergence of mating signals? Actually, this is not yet clear. What we do know is that species recognition of mating signals will reach stabilizing selection (most population favors the majority displayed pattern). However, divergence of signals can only come about when their is a shift in the preference of mating signals in the direction on the extremes (species specific). So, changes in the one receiving the signal will in turn cause changes in the one sending the signal, causing the chain reaction of directional selection.
To understand this point, imagine a stand bell-shaped curve. On the x-axis is courtship behavior. On the y-axis is the number of individuals in the population. On the x-axis at 50% most of the population prefers the same thing. But at 10% and 90%, these individuals prefer something else that the majority does not. So, a directional shift would favor one of the two extremes, outside of what the majority prefers. Thus, causing a directional shift (left or right) away from the majority of the population. By doing this, you get two populations (one smaller than the other) that prefer different mating signals, therefore, you start the divergence of mating signals in a single population (same species). This is how a speciation event is thought to occur when they all live in the same physical environment and no physical boundaries separate the population. Over time, the females in population one will stop recognizing the mating calls from population two (and vice versa) leading to two separate species that do not interbreed based only on courtship/mating signals. They can physically still mate, but they do not recognize each other as potential mates (Behavioral Isolation). This if very different from two species that do try to mate but either conception doesn't happen, they are born but soon die or the offspring are born sterile as in the case of the horse and donkey making a mule, which is sterile (Reproductive Isolation; pre & post-zygotic isolation examples).
There are other hypotheses proposed that discuss that divergence is a by-product of genetic divergence of populations in allopatry (different evironments). The mating signals will gradually change due to mutations in the population, genetic-drifts, and environmental factors. When the populations separated later reside in the same environment, their phenotypic characteristics (mating signals to general behavior) will be very different compared to the other population. So a new stabilizing selection will occur, one for each population, independent of the other population.
In summary, defining a population is difficult. However, when discussing reproductive isolation, the boundaries are clear. There are a multitude of factors that can lead to reproductive isolation. I have discussed how courtship can lead to divergence of populations and possibly to different species in the future.
posted by Sonya @ 2/22/2007 11:09:00 AM, ,
If only it could end differently....
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
For most of us, life slips by and we forget about the things that are really important to us, especially, with distance as a factor. And it is with a heavy heart that I tell you about Cia. I can honestly say there will never be another like her. She is my pride and joy and one of my many wishes, that life could be different....
Cia has had it harder than most dogs and it started that way from the very beginning. Four years ago, my boyfriend (at the time) and I were out shopping for supplies that we need for work on our house. So while we were out, he saw a sign at the pet shop for hedgehogs. He really, really wanted to see them and I really, really did not want to (for completely different reasons). As many of you probably know from past blogs, animals are my weakness. I knew that there was no way I was walking into that pet shop and walking out with nothing in my hands. My past has shown that this is the way it will always be. I don't think it has ever been done, so it is better that I not test the inevitable. But, stupid won and off we went to the pet shop. It took no more than 3 minutes for me to see a tiny little puppy all alone in a big cage. She was crying her little heart out for a little attention. It seems that all her brothers and sisters had been sold days to weeks before and she was scared and lonely.
This girl was adorable, with her half beagle and half Australian Shepard looks. She had the little beagle characteristics, but a Shepard coloring of the black and white checkers. Luckily, not the beagle bark and she most often went hoarse after just a few barks. All you see is her intense concentration on the perpetrator (human to wind) and her head being thrown in the air with the mute button on. I played with this little puppy and absolutely fell in love with her. With a clear head and rational thoughts, I reasoned that we were still completely remodeling the house and cleaning up after the boyfriend was enough. With that, I left the puppy at the pet shop and we picked up our needed supplies. As you can probably guess, a supply was added to that list: # 15...puppy.... before we even had a chance to finish the shopping. Not even 20 minutes later, she was in my arms and we were on our way home.
From day one, she was special. I named her Cia and she became the center of my world. She slept in the bed every night. Not at the end, not by my legs, but next to me with her head on a pillow and a blanket pulled to her shoulders. And it was this way, just because she was Cia and it didn't need explanation. Boyfriend didn't care for this much, but I slowly explained to him that he had just been demoted on the priority list and this was just the way things were going to be. After all, it was his fault we had the dog now, wasn't' it?
In the beginning, I would carry her around in the pocket on the front of my sweatshirt and boyfriend carried her in his hat. Cia was so small that she often fell into the vent holes in the floor. We had to cover all the vents so we wouldn't lose her. She was special in many ways and the first came just weeks after we got her. It turns out that our dear Cia had an extra toe on her back foot. Maybe it's for luck, or just to show that she is special.....who knows......
The day to day routine went on as usual and Cia grew over the next few months. At about six months, she started limping on her back leg. As any normal pet owner, I checked her out, no cuts or bruises and I waited a few days. The limp remained... so off to the vet she went. The vet did an extensive examination and couldn't find anything with my sweet baby girl. The next step was she went in for X-rays. Unluckily, they found that she did not have the space in her back leg where the knee-cap goes. The cartilage from her knee-cap was rubbing back and forth on her leg bone, causing the inflammation. We were referred to a bone specialist which brought more X-rays and tests. Ultimately, the choice was, let her live in pain and get arthritis in a year or two or get knee surgery to fix the problem that would cost $1400. I told boyfriend of the new development...we discussed it and he said absolutely not to the surgery. She was scheduled for the surgery one week later.......
Cia went in for surgery on Monday. I dropped her off at 8:00 in the morning and she was scheduled for 8:00 the next morning. They need to do all the routine tests and prep her for surgery. At 3:00 that same day, the hospital called and asked to me stop in after work. When I arrived, the vet came out and explained that Cia could not have surgery. If we had went ahead with the surgery, her body wouldn't have been able to handle the anesthetic and she would have died almost immediately. This is because Cia has a hole in her heart. They say, that because of this, she will only live 4-5 years due to her heart not being able to handle the strain of trying to work so hard and this will ultimately lead to organ failure.
My little 6 month old puppy, has an extra toe, a bad knee and a hole in her heart. This was one of the hardest days of my life. She was so happy to see me and be freed from jail, that even if she could understand what I needed to tell her, I wouldn't have been able to through all my tears. With a very heavy heart, I took my little baby girl home and told myself that she would overcome it. That she is a fighter and we will show them what she can do.
About 2 years later, Cia and I made the move after I left the boyfriend. We started our lives over in another state with new experiences to be had. We both moved in with my mom until I could find an apartment. She ended up staying with my mom and step-dad outside of Chicago, since they had a nice big backyard and I lived in a high rise apartment downtown. During that time, Cia spent many days riding on the front seat with Mom where ever they may go and many afternoons with Marty doing nothing in the backyard. They took trips in the RV to the land in Iowa on lazy summer afternoons, always a trio never a duo. It even so happens that when the snow really falls there in the suburbs, Marty makes Cia a nice little maze all around the yard since she is so short and has to hop like a rabbit to get any where. So, there is nothing more amusing than seeing a dog run as fast as she can through a labrinth of mazes for no reason at all. These three developed a bond that I could not break.
Years later, I made another move, to Kentucky, but this time without her. I could not take her away when they loved her as much as I did, and could give her so much more of everything. She is and always will be one of the best moments of my life. It's funny how something we consider beneath us can mean so much more than anything else.
The years went by and Cia is now in her 4th year. She is happy and enjoying life as we speak.
I write this now, because with distance we often forget those things most important to us until we must face what is in front of us.
I write this now, because with distance we often forget those things most important to us until we must face what is in front of us.
I am sad to say, we do not always get what we want in this world.....Cia is sick.
Just as they told me so long ago, she seems to be suffering from Renal failure. They have explained that her little body just can't overcome the heart problem. Besides the weight loss, you would never guess there is anything wrong. She still patrols the fence and buries all her dog food in multiple places in the yard, just to prepare for a possible depression. She even manages to find time to make all the cats submit to her ear cleanings.
But we are hopeful that the new food, medicine and diet will help her. If she continues to not feel well, she is off to Madison (the 'Mayo clinic' for dogs). I find myself sad and can't even begin to know what to do....
I guess I am trying to say, life slips by while others stand with us in support, not so much in our spotlight, but our shadows. We can become so caught up in our everyday lives that we forget to stop and say 'thank you' to a few or many. We must remember all who were there when our world's were changing and we were making decisions that didn't include them in the outcome. So for all of those that changed my life, I appreciate you and say thank you for just being there.....
I have loved this 'person' for many years as we have come to rely on each other when everything else was falling apart. Companionship is companionship in any form.....for that I am grateful.
Labels: Love
posted by Sonya @ 2/14/2007 09:42:00 PM, ,
Holiday of Love?
Monday, February 12, 2007
What is it about love that causes so many people to lose who they are? For so many, love means finding someone else to hide yourself in, so as not to be yourself. There seems to be nothing sadder than those out there wanting love by another so bad, that they are in love with the idea of being 'in love', to much to actually fall in love. It seems somewhere in time, we have irrevocably associated happiness with relationship. I am willing to admit there are many that find one person who loves them for who they are and not who they can be. This unfortunately, is rare and a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The idea of love does not make me hate the Valentine's Holiday. It's the concept of honoring the one you love on this one special day, while dishonoring them every other day. This is not meant to those few who truly treat everyday as a holiday, but it is to those do not.
I am not a romantic, but I understand that love should be an everyday, bring out the fire works, event. How many times in your life can you completely give yourself, heart and soul, to another human being to only ask the same in return?
Love is not an act, but it is a "knowing". Knowing that this one person will be there for you when you need them without uttering a word or knowing that at the moment when the world has let you down, there will be one to stand guard while you pick yourself up.
So you see, I am not angry at the idea of love. But I am angry at the idea that you can buy love!
When something that is supposed to be private, becomes very public what possible meaning could be left? To show ones love and to flaunt ones love are two very different things. It is time that we went back to basics and not to the mall.
Labels: Love, Valentines
posted by Sonya @ 2/12/2007 10:20:00 PM, ,
Does Size Matter?
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Disclaimer....This subject material is not for my mother or virgins.....if either, please stop reading immediately...you will think differently of me and/or guys after this blog!
My friends and I have had this conversation many times. Why is size important and where do we draw the line? Figuratively of course...no one liked my ruler and the actual mark idea. I kinda like the idea of having a sign that says you must be this tall to ride this ride. Kinda works if you think about it. But never the less, we all find reasons to be for and against this size issue. But...ultimately it comes down to...Do want to cuddle? or do you want to...(I think you know where this is going).
Many of my guy friends proclaim that it has nothing to do with the size, but how you use it. To put it gently, 'it's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean'.
To this I always have to reply...'but it's hard to get to England in a row boat'!
So guys out there, how many adult videos have large writing showing off little winkies (no pun intended). Do you really want the girls to say, "oh, how cute"? I think not. So why get so offended and proclaim that size doesn't matter.
Now, before you all go off and get mad at me, here is my logic.
There are some things in this world that are better when they are bigger. Just answer this....Do you stand in line at the hotdog vendor for endless minutes only to get up to the front of the line and ask for a snausage? I didn't think so. Nope, me neither. I think you can probably relate the analogy without me having to explain that one.
So, fellas out there that think this pertains to you...no need to get upset... it's not like I'm asking you to wear a badge to eliminate false advertising.....unless of course you think it'll work!!. Never mind, that can wait. Back to the topic.
Girls have this expectation. For some reason, many make the decision on the relationship just by that first 'encounter'. Guys, right now she is asking herself.."could I do this for the rest of my life?". If you got the moves, you are in the maybe category, but if you fail in the moves and you are not quite up to snuff in the merchandise....you are definitely gone before she can find her underwear.
I have to admit, that there are a small group of girls that will profess that the 'goods' don't matter. So why is this???
So why do so many girls say that it doesn't matter? That is actually a very easy one to answer. It seems that the only ones that say ''no, it doesn't matter" are of course the girls with little weeny boyfriends. Guys, it really isn't your fault. You really should go and talk with your parents and explain your situation. Tell them how your anatomy has hindered your ability to be the 'king cat' of the Serengeti. You really need to explain that it really is their fault and not yours.
So the point is, women have had this conversation time and time again. So fellas, if the girl says 'it doesn't matter', she's lying..... it does. And I'm sorry for your loss, she is obviously trying to make you feel better. But on a good note, you should keep her, she is loyal to you when most others will not be.
And of course, there are always extremes. I must also note the following....
To you big headed freaks out there (no pun intended)......yes, you can be to big. There are some things that should be saved for the circus and Hollywood, off you go now.
If you really think about it, you guys have a lot of pressure. All future intimacies are riding on this one thing....and you can't even control it.
So, good luck with that and sleep tight!
posted by Sonya @ 2/10/2007 12:49:00 AM, ,
