Dear Emma
Friday, October 22, 2010
I find it hard that you are already 3 years old. You are your own little person with complex conversations, most of which I can follow. You listen intently like your life depends on it and laugh at the silliest of things. I am glad that in 6 months time you do not forget me. So much changes so quickly and I am sad that I miss so much. I hope that in the future we will be as close and you will know how much I love you. See you as Christmas and until then keep the Karma alive with your Mom, she deserves it!
Labels: Emma
posted by Sonya @ 10/22/2010 12:37:00 AM, ,
We are who we are...
I wonder if we ever really know who we are. I say this because there are so many times in our lives that we think that we can't possibly handle anything more and then we find the strength to forge ahead.
So, does this mean that we always underestimate ourselves or that we just don't know how dynamic we really are? I would like to think that we just don't truly understand all that we can endure. And here, I don't mean as women but as people. There have been so many times that I thought I was standing on the edge with no where left to go only to realize that I couldn't even see the edge from where I was standing.
You might be asking yourself where all this is coming from. Especially since my life is pretty good at the moment. Well, all this comes from a moment of insomnia and my restless mind trying to figure out who I am.
I have always had a pretty good idea of exactly who I was but a few things have surprised me lately. The first is that I am more passive in relationships than I ever thought I would be. I try to make things work and make the best of who we are instead of walking away like I know I should. That is surprising for me. With this, I also learned that I am like a container filling up with water over time and at some point I will fill to the point that I cannot take anymore and I will be done.
I also learned that the things that I thought I needed so bad, I don't really need at all. While this all sounds so cryptic, I promise that it is not. I just think we all have those few things that in an algebraic equation we would call 'x' that so many things can be substituted into here. I have found that one of my 'x' is acceptance. I didn't realize how high on my list this was. I guess I was so focused on someone that could make me laugh and have intelligent conversations that I forgot to ask for someone that accepts me as I am. I now know that it is important above all else.
I am not going to change and cannot love someone that could ask me to do this. For if I do, it will kill me. Plain and simple. I will not be me any longer and if that should occur then I won't know who to be. Me not being me would just be sad.
posted by Sonya @ 10/22/2010 12:12:00 AM, ,
