What are the odds..
Friday, September 17, 2010
In a sad way, I find this whole situation so very funny. First, I have spent years of my life not dating or having any relationships that might in some even small way interfere with my schooling. I have been so focused on my research for 6+ years and preparing for a strong future in science that I have not even seriously considered a particular person. I have planned and plotted on who and what I wanted to be. I have a vision of a successful and productive scientist, running a lab and bringing in grants to further my career.
The funny thing is that now that have time to actually date and put effort into some sort of relationship. But now I find guys that want me to stay home and take care of them. The humor is not in the beliefs of these guys but more in the fact that they find me. ME. Of all the people they could meet, they find me and want to change me. They want a woman that will stay home and turn into something I have never even thought of being. Me. Someone who wants to learn and grow on a daily basis. Me. To stay home and plan and cook their meals and focus all my energy on them. Me. To cook and clean and wash clothes with nothing else to stimulate my mind. Me. To mother them and their children. I am supposed to feel like this is all that I could want and value this above all else. Someone like me when I have spent more of my life outside relationships than in relationships.
I find it funny that of all the women that these guys could choose, they choose me. Of all the women that they could meet and want to be that person, they find me.
I find it disturbing that in some way they think I could be this person. It's as if they haven't heard a word I have ever spoken. It's like I'm not even there.
What are the odds that they find me. I find it funny. How could you not.
posted by Sonya @ 9/17/2010 08:32:00 PM, ,
What I learned this week...
So many lessons to be learned, it feels so hard to keep up sometimes. This week was no different than so many before.
I learned that many men are all the same. It doesn't matter how much education or professionalism you have only that you are a woman and will be treated that way.
I learned that while I value relationships and being close with another individual, I value my space and time alone more.
I learned that a sense of humor can you get you out of a very uncomfortable situation.
I learned that boyfriends come and go but friends and pets are there for the long term. I learned that this is OK and when the door closes, all will be fine.
I learned that when things start going right with my work, my boss changes his mind and gives me a new project that takes me away from the other one to make sure I don't get any work done on either. I learned the meaning of frustration.
As with each week, a valuable lesson is learned that we grow from. This week, I drink and grow later.
Cheers.
posted by Sonya @ 9/17/2010 08:13:00 PM, ,
Frustation with guys and expectations...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
As like so many times in the past, I find myself dating the wrong guy.
So I ask you. At what point do you wake up and realize that he is not the right person for you?
For me, I think I realize this point when we have a very pivotal conversation about future expectations and my role as a woman. By this I mean, he states that in the near future there will be children and I am expected to stay home for multiple years to raise these future children. My problem is not the staying home but more the expectation that my life will go on hold while his will not. This may not be a problem for most women, but for me this will drastically and negatively impact what I have worked so hard for. Not to mention, I don't even think I want children. But somehow this was excluded from the conversation. So I find myself fighting with an imaginary husband over imaginary children and somehow I am losing. What happened to full partnership and working through problems together instead of gender roles and traditional expectations. Isn't it obvious that I am not a traditional woman and I do not recognize any designated roles? I suppose this is more a rant on why we move forward in time and still move backwards in what is expected from women.
So, here I am once again deciding to abstain from dating. I am hoping in 10 yrs or so things will have improved. Till then, I enjoy the cats and dog.
posted by Sonya @ 9/14/2010 11:01:00 AM, ,
