How I Spend My Nights...
Thursday, January 31, 2008
When all the world sleeps...I think about all that is possible. As the pattern of late, sleep eludes me. Not just a night here and there...but every night. This new custom leaves me tired, yet provides so much time for the thoughts I seem to never ponder. As many may know of me, I strive on organization. Not just a stack of papers here or there, but full fledged labels and straight edges. It just seems to make my world work as it should. So, I will confess that the many sleepless nights have lead me to organize the lab mentally since my advisor fights me in reality. If he only knew what he is up against now. With so many hours to plan and thwart his resistance...he doesn't stand a chance.
After the many hours of planning of late, the last few nights have lead to the complete remodel of my back room which houses all the research organisms. And so one might not think that I have research in mind, it also lead to many new and innovative ideas as to make projects more efficient. The undergraduates are very pleased these last few days. You might wonder where I have time to accomplish all of this, well...there is no reason to rush home since sleep eludes me, I have many hours to put these thoughts into action.
So, to keep tally so far...Back room complete, middle room started, other experimental room underway, actual lab which will cause advisor heart attack...just started...baby steps...but all will come soon enough.
Truth be told...I worry what I will do once I have accomplished all that I have mentally planned these last few days. I suppose there is always data analysis, but that is not nearly rewarding as moving around rooms and righting chaos into organization.
I revel in all that I have accomplished these few days. I cannot express how hard it has been to move things slowly as to not upset advisor. You may think that I exaggerate, but those in the lab know differently. One example that many of us will never forget (or my advisor since I tease him) is the time I only moved a single bucket in middle room to clear a place to walk. The said bucket of interest contained sand and truthfully only made a journey from the floor straight up and placed on top of the refrigerator. This bucket literally only moved 4 feet vertically. However, upon walking in this room, said advisor yells loudly and rushes to the place this bucket had been only moments before. Advisor questions emotionally to the location of said bucket..and all I had to do was point. I have never laughed so hard and we joked for so long about the gold that must be hidden in the sand. Why else would someone become so passionte over a bucket of sand?
Thus, you must now realize the wall of what I am up against. Each step is met with resistance....with me knowing that only if he could see what I can do...he would be very happy. This has been a slow process, which is finally making a differece. Tonight, I cleaned and condensed half the lab...and grudgenly, advisor admitted it looks good, as well as, although he has some panic as to the things moved, most are close to the original location. This is a great start...
I will now let you in on my devious plan. You see, this is how you get them lulled into a false sense of security. One cannot change the world in a single night (and I think that convincing advisor to reorganize might actually be harder)!
So for those of you that wonder where the progress of my research fits into all of this work...I say...never you mind...it is next on the agenda. First, the impossible...while simultaneously preventing heart attack of advisor.
I am woman...you better watch out before I label your socks....
Labels: Humor
posted by Sonya @ 1/31/2008 10:34:00 PM, ,
Life Lately...
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Dear You,
Amazingly enough, life doesn't change all that much in Grad School. Each day starting like the one before...just trying to cross things off my to do list. I am sad to say that the list grows longer and the crossing off is barely noticable. It seems that at every moment and around every corner, something stands in the way of me and my research that is urgently needing to be done. With so many undergraduates asking their million or so questions and time consuming smaller projects...I feel that I am going to be here forever. Although I suppose I could just be tired since it has been many hours in the lab today as seems to be the pattern....I worry I may forget where home is.
So, my thoughts just express the annoying, yet strong feeling of unproductiveness, eventhough each step I complete is progress in its' own way. It just seems there are to many steps to get the results I need.
Sincerely,
Whiny in Kentucky
posted by Sonya @ 1/30/2008 08:38:00 PM, ,
Sad....
Friday, January 25, 2008
In a conversation concerning the last post, it was said that one shouldn't throw something away over an instance that will seem silly in a few years. As I do agree with the comment, I find myself wondering how one would pick up the pieces and not wait for it to break again in the future.
As so often, people pretend that there is no problem and wait for time to mend these hurts. I am afraid that this is not possible. With each passing day, I find myself drifting further away like a rowboat being carried away by the current, far from where I used to be. I allow this to happen. I don't have the strength to fight...I have given up. I don't have it in me anymore...the past has become to much. I am done.
You see, once a person has cut so deep, I feel that it never truly mends the same again. I can only assume that the street was one way. History repeats itself...that I can't ignore.
Trust is a delicate thing. Once shattered, you can mend, but it is never the same again. You will always hold a part of you back waiting for the moment you are not important again, when the world will let you down.
I feel a part of me has been lost. A great sadness I thought I would never feel again has again reminded me that no matter how far you go or how few you love, there is always a moment to remind you that you are alone. My moment has come.
So as I sit alone, miles away, I wonder if things will ever be the same.
I am sad....I feel that there is no other way to describe.
posted by Sonya @ 1/25/2008 04:48:00 PM, ,
Pain
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Pain. No one can inflict it like family, while no other can soothe a hurt with just a few words. But what of the ones that share the same blood who only consider themselves without picking up the peices behind them. While family can pick you up when you are at your lowest, they can also send you there without speaking a word. Pain. Those that can cut the deepest often do.
posted by Sonya @ 1/22/2008 08:33:00 AM, ,
