There are some types of pain that just don't seem to lessen with passing time. There are moments when you feel that someone has ripped your heart out and you cannot remember how to breathe. There are moments that you will never forget since they stop you your tracks and turns your world so upside down that you forget who you are. That moment came on Monday at 7:58 AM, March 5, 2007 when the person on the phone told me....Cia died this morning.

My little girl is gone. My Mom and Stepdad were with her when she took her last breath, never letting her feel alone in those last moments or that we'd forget her. She was supposed to beat the odds...we were supposed to say they don't know everything and go out for that morning run. Why couldn't they be wrong this time?? This isn't supposed to be this hard.

Many would say that she was just a dog...but that she was not. She was my comfort when I gave up one life to start another. She was my running partner, my passenger seat navigator and the one that could make you feel better in any circumstance. Trips were fun just because of her enthusiasm. I can't begin to explain how much of an empty spot has been left in our lives. Home doesn't seem like home without her. How do you say goodbye to something that is such a part of your life, that you can't remember the days when she wasn't there. This is Cia......

Possessions....
There were no fine lines...she owned everything. From the towel to the cats themselves. She may not want it this moment, but if you do....then she really does. Apparently all things that move (and somethings that do not) were hers. That chair by the window will always be her lookout point. And if you are so rude as to put the blinds down, you will not forget again in the near future. If you happen to sit there....you will soon move.....you can only stand a dog's butt in your face for so long and she knew this. It didn't matter how many times you pushed her down, her stamina is greater than yours.

Food....
She may not want it, but you can't have it. If it's there for the taking, then she takes it, but puts it away where you can't have it. She hid and 'buried' (carpet and hardwood floors apparently make things invisible) everything and anything in all corners of the house, RV and yard for the future. It's almost as if she lived through the depression and was waiting for the bottom to drop out. I must admit....that under no circumstances would she eat eggs. She hates them. If you tricked her to take a bite, she just opened her mouth and let them fall out, waiting for whatever came next.

Adventures...
It didn't matter if we were going to the mailbox or Maine, she was up for the ride. She was a very obedient dog...well sort of. You could get her to go into the backseat, but she just turned right around and came back up to the front seat. She fully expected you to move you arms and make a place for her on the front seat. You were to hold her if you were rude enough to take her seat. That is her place and that is that. And again, her stamina is greater than yours, she will sit in the front seat.

RV Trips....
She lived for those moments that we were all were packed up and ready for the open road. Her anxiety started the minute you opened the RV door. She was so afraid that you were going to leave without her, she didn't leave the fence in the backyard and barked herself hoarse. When the trip finally came, she bounded out of the house, up the RV stairs and took over her place on the dashboard looking straight ahead. How could they possible go without the dashboard navigator. She was even kind enough to let us all know when the curves were coming by starting the lean a little early. After the trip was underway, she checked all her food stashes in the corners just to make sure she had enough for emergencies and quickly returned to the dashboard.

The Golden Arches......
Never before have I seen a dog get so excited for the McDonalds golden arches. My little sister used to take her with her to McDonalds. Cia soon associated golden arches with a small piece of heaven. When passing them, you could almost hear her say that you missed the turn in. She loved them and got into position to speak with the drive-thru operator. This was her job. She wanted those fries and cheeseburger that came in that magic wrapper. She was patient enough to carefully separate the buns and remove the top bun containing the pickle and onions. The rest was history.

Leaving her in the car....
If you made this mistake....you soon found out why this was a mistake. She knew exactly where the horn was and she wasn't afraid to use it. She enjoyed finding the button and standing on it. Whether it was the RV, the CRV or any other car. You leave her.....you're going to hear it. And if you even think about coming out of that store without a beef jerky, then you might as well turn right back around and get it, because she wasn't getting out of the driver seat until you did. That is just the way things were....no use fighting it.

Kisses.....
I truly believed she lived to give these. If the one goal God gave her when she was born...it was to give as many kisses as possible. She had a way of sneaking them in. She liked the quick kiss while you weren't paying attention. She had a great way of slipping them in when you turned your head to talk to someone in the car. Just a quick peck and then back to her seat. When she really wanted to let you know how much she cared, she would inch toward you and when you said no...she'd just stare...mere inches from your face until you couldn't stand it anymore.

The Hello....and a quick game of hide-and-seek.....
Cia loved my mom with an undying, unending love. There was nothing that made her happier than Grandma coming home. She waited at the window until she pulled in, the ran to the door and screamed at the top of her lungs when Grandma walked in the door. And just in case Mom didn't get the message, Cia would run as fast as she could all around the house and out the doggy door. Then she would follow Grandma into the bedroom and run out again. While she was out, Grandma would hide and Cia would search for her. They did this each and everyday and they were inseparable until it was time to go to bed. And don't even think about moving the stool she used to get into bed.....

Her Protector...
Marty (Stepdad) took care of her better than anyone else could. Cia loved him with everything she had. He cared for her so much that she looked to him in those last moments. She knew how much he loved her and would have done everything to protect her. They spent many hours together on the weekends out in the backyard doing the regular chores...and nothing made Cia happier. In those snowy days in Chicago, Cia had a hard time running in the deep snow. She would have to hop like a rabbit and it made her so cold that she couldn't be out there very long. So, Marty made her a maze of shoveled snow so she could run around them and enjoy being outside. It was not just one or two tunnels, but many all over the backyard. She loved them. He took care of her.....

Her Toys....
They were just that....hers. You were in not, any circumstance, allowed to touch them. We loved to buy her toys. She got so excited, especially if they talked to her. It's almost as if they were talking back and she couldn't stand for that. She would rip out the recorder and then proceed to remove all the stuffing. Even after it was just a shell...it was still hers. She gathered up all her toys and put them in a pile in the backyard. She then proceeded to lay on top of the pile so that no one could touch any of her toys. Whether cat, human, or some animal crossing within yards of her toys in the backyard....you were not allowed near her toy pile. Many afternoons were spent spreading her toy pile around the yard and watching her frantically trying to pile them all up again so she could lay on them.

Sleeping arrangements.....
She was going to sleep and you were going to make arrangements. She snored due to a breathing problem...but that was your problem not hers. If she wanted ample room and possibly a pillow (depending on her mood) ....you had to deal with it. Again, the stamina issue came into play. She would win and she knew it.

Together....
Cia wanted us all together at all times. She didn't like it when the family was in different spots in the house. If you were in the basement and Mom and Marty were upstairs, then she whined at the top of the stairs until you came up. She would win, she knew you could only handle so much of that. She wanted her family together....

Waiting for us to get home....
There was nothing greater than someone coming home. When one got home, it was off to waiting for the next. She loved Grandma coming home and then expected Grandpa. When that happened, her world was somehow coming together. When Marty went away on business trips Cia would not sleep. Instead, she would sit up in bed and just stare at my Mom like she chased him away or something. It's almost as if she had an accusatory expression and somehow made Grandpa go away. Life didn't get better than when everyone was home. When Mom would tell her I was coming home, she would go and check the window waiting for me to come in the door over and over again until I finally arrived. Family is what mattered most....

Love......
She loved her family and we loved her more than I can ever express. She was a child to us. She was what you came home for. She brought a life to that house that I can't describe by listing some of her unique qualities. I loved her more than I can possibly explain in words and the loss has left such an empty hole that I don't know how to fix it. So, this is for someone that has given my family so much in the last four years that I don't know how to say 'Goodbye'. She has taken a part of my heart and left a pain that I can't seem to deal with. For Cia.....having her made everything a little better.....