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The "O" Model of Actions

INTRODUCTION
Well, Yesterday's seminar here in the Biology Department had the potential to be very interesting. But as you can probably guess, it was big on the boring side. The talk seemed like it was going to be interesting since it was concerning Polar Bear Survival in the melting ice environment. The talk started out interesting enough but lost my attention around minute 30. However, do not despair, we always find ways to entertain ourselves. It is not surprising to the others in 'the sharks' that Dr. Labcoat nicely passed the time for us. It is based upon his 'actions' that we have devised the 'O' Model of Actions.

Dr. Labcoat is a pretentious windbag that spends more bragging about himself and how great he is than actually getting any work done or helping his graduate students. It was during a previous seminar that we noticed that Dr. Labcoat likes to perform certain 'actions' on a regular basis. And by actions I am including nose picking, teeth picking, ear cleaning, scanning of the crowd and the ever so often crotch adjustments. Now, you may think that everyone does a wipe here or there. Casual cases such as these are not considered in the model. We have designed the model based upon intensity of such actions, so as not to contaminate the pool of data. Specifically, only data points clearly showing an 'action' are used as a representative of the data sample pool.

MATERIAL AND METHODS
To understand the model fully, we have counted such actions over a set time period and will conduct statistics to gain a more comprehensive view of total actions within the entire seminar period. We do this for two reasons (1) I paid attention to the first half of the seminar, (2) Because the study subject might notice us staring at him and see my continuous giggling into the sleeve of my shirt. Thus, the data gathered will represent 20 minutes of the observational trial.

RESULTS
Actions:
Nose Pick ( 19 )
Crowd Scan ( 11 )
Crotch Adjustment ( 2 )
Head Scratches ( 3 )
Ear Picks ( 3 )
Teeth Picks ( 3 )
Crappy Jokes ( 1 )


The Model:
(# of nose picks - ear picks)/crowd scanning = the 'O' factor coefficient
(# crotch adjustments - # head scratches) / # crappy jokes = the 'Z' factor coefficient

[(# teeth picks)('O' factor coefficient)('Z' factor coefficient) / time (min) ] = 'O' Model of Actions

Graphical Statistical Analysis
# of nose picks over time of seminar shows an exponential increase with time.

DISCUSSION
Simple summary suggests that:
Dr. Labcoat had 57 picks in an hour totaling almost a pick a minute, with a head scratch and ear/teeth pick every twenty minutes. Luckily, we will be treated to less than 2 crappy jokes within the seminar, but he will notice us laughing at him about every 5 minutes during his crowd scans.

Thus, it can be concluded that Dr. Labcoat is disgusting, yet entertaining during seminar time. Future research will examine if self-awareness occurs during such actions in future seminar.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Actin, Other Graduate Student New to Study and past "shark" members present in spirit.

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posted by Sonya @ 9/21/2007 02:10:00 PM,

4 Comments:

At September 21, 2007 at 2:58 PM, Anonymous Sakshi said...

I love that you are taking past observations and forming a model. Such enterprise is the single most improtant factor for being a shark member!

 
At September 24, 2007 at 11:53 AM, Anonymous dp said...

hahahaha love it! what an absolute fool!

I thought that laughing was outlawed ever since the Sharks were disbanded as it was being interpreted as bullying.

Thank god the UKBD removes the threatening nature of graduate student gangs, instead of, I dunno....improving the quality of of science thats being "flushed out" of the labs and oozing into the hallway.

 
At September 24, 2007 at 11:57 AM, Anonymous Sakshi said...

@DP- Sharks is outlawed! But when does that stop rebel...
Princess, play the harmonica, 1, 2, 3

snap everyone!

 
At September 24, 2007 at 12:02 PM, Blogger Sonya said...

@dp - Yes, a fool he is..and very disgusting! Well, we like to say "disbanded" when referring to the sharks. In the true sense, we will never disband, once a shark, always a shark. Or I hope so anyway, the tattoo is pretty permanent. I think the word gang brings a connotation we are not intending. I like to think of it as a almost constructive gathering of people with similar thoughts.

@sakshi -- I do love the term outlawed. We have went underground (I mean the figuratively and actually since the two remaining sharks are in the basement)!

 

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