The abuse...and a history lesson?
Monday, July 30, 2007
It is not often that I find someone that can write those sweet words to match my humor. But when I do, there is never a dull moment...
ME: Today was sort of productive. We are starting the new project and this is the hard part. Collecting data takes about one day but setting up takes about 8 or 9 very long and frustrating days of nothing. The odds are not in our favor at this very moment. The brain is small, the nerves are even smaller and the tips of our electrodes keep breaking...ahhhhhhh
HIM: I didn't realize the time you put in - is poking the brain for 7 hours common? Can you do this for a long time, then suddenly have brain activity (both you and the specimen...)? Can you use any of yesterday's work in your project? And yes, you are very "special" in my book. I've been trying to tell you that...
How was your Friday work? Success? Did you match wits with your animal? (You can tell me if the animal won...don't be ashamed.) And ego? A whole new area of material for me - can't wait...
ME: So, as it stands...animal 5....people 0. I am optimistic though...I think the animal will get to about 10. To make it more clear...yes, the sea slug is winning and looks like they might win the war as well as the battle. My wits are soooo lacking at this point in time..sniffle, sniffle....
HIM: Where to begin??? Ego, people laughing at you, therapy, beaten by animals - you're like the gift that keeps on giving...First, the cheap shot - Trust me, they won't be laughing at you because of your research. Anyway, I think perhaps you need some backup in your Sea Slug War - maybe get the military involved? We'll work on a proposal, something involving terrorism, freedom and instruments of mass destruction (electrodes and stressed out Ph.D. students?). I'll script a letter to Dick Cheney - maybe you should put a turban on your slugs - Wow, way off the subject...
I like the hypothetical approach to education - This is what "could have" happened...Very fun...you're starting to sound like a Humanities major...Rushing slugs - sounds like a band name...
ME: I think you might be right about getting the military involved...it is a necessary action...plus, I heard from a friend of a friend who has a brother and they know this guys uncle next door neighbors, second cousin twice removed by marriage, rides the bus with this guy that thinks he says that they had WMDs. It's time to bring in the forces and wipe Rhode Island off the map. I am pretty sure they are involved. Speaking of turbans....I am pretty sure I saw all the slugs getting to together doing chants and stuff. It looked pretty serious...I'll let you know more if they intend to fly..then we have a real issue. I would probably hold off on the letter to Dick Cheney though ...he only reads them if you mention oil and as it turns out...my oil well just dried up....I am no longer a powerful biologist... Even though I plan on saving all of human kind in the very near future...I am not an influential person at this very moment....White girls never get a break in this country...Damn!
HIM: I totally forgot about the oil connection - we may need to re-focus on animal excretions as fuel - it could be an untapped cash source - maybe that will bring the big guns in to invade - eventually, there could be a new American embassy with your name on it. I do have to call you out on playing the race card again - that will only get you so far - and it's not helping the country or Jesus, who is now crying....Good job, Whitey.
ME: I am ashamed that you forgot about the oil connection...I knew you were in with those people...I suspected you were only playing at being one of the 'others' but I see that you are one of those people always trying to take the little green spots left on this planet for your own use....admit it....I'm waiting!!!
Of course I am going to use the race card and ride that wave all the way in....hello....when you go through the hardships that I do just because I'm a woman and because I'm white, you would use it too... I can never get a cab to stop, everyone grabs onto their purse when I walk by and never, never will people give up their seat for me....this has to stop...oh the injustice (as she puts the back of her hand on her forehead)....
Now that you have suggested a band name, I am currently trying to get a band together. I figure with 2 Indians (dot not feathers) and American and possibly a Chinese, we should have a good shot at a record deal. Although, we still have one minor issue...none of play instruments!
HIM: I like your idea for an international band, but I do feel offended that you chose not to represent a Native American, or "feathers", as you casually labeled this proud race. I think on behalf of America and Jesus, you should issue an apology to all the Indians living and dead, especially those who fought and died in the Crusades...I'm horrified and shocked by your ignorance...
ME: Well being discriminated against white girl...I do not feel the need to make all the feathers feel better. They get everything in this country...free land and plenty of booze. Hell, they even have all the casino that they could want....so there! And by the way, Jesus says he understands. He also said that he does NOT talk to Bush and he thinks he needs to stop lying. He also said Cheney was drunk when he shot that guy and that someone needs to say something. And yes, he thinks the feather thing is funny....that's why he told them to put on in their head thing all those years ago. I agreed...it was a good one.
HIM: Remember, the natives didn't always have casinos. I think the first one opened in the 1600's - it was named after Abraham Lincoln, who freed the Natives from the English. But the white men always won at craps, so the Natives had to pray to Jesus, the God of chance, for help. But it didn't rain for months, so the casinos couldn't grow and many of the children died of AIDS. Perhaps you should devote more time to studying history and stop embarrassing yourself.
ME: I don't know what history books you are reading, but the ones that I read in school specifically lays out that Abraham Lincoln went to those casinos...actually the cherry tree was inside the lobby and that's why chopping it down was such a big deal...It was their favorite cherry tree and they used the cherries to make cocktails in the evening. Maybe should open up that history book again Mr. English major. Furthermore, it was the Eskimos that were oppressing the natives...they got sick of all the cold weather and were looking to take over their lands....big fight and then Lincoln came in and freed them....Duh! Why do you think that the Eskimos never smile in any of the pictures...they are still mad. Geez...teaching you is exhausting!
HIM: Do not challenge my history skills! How dare you?? I happen to be a Native Indian/Eskimo scholar. It just so happens that during the Revolutionary War in 1900, George Washington introduced the fruits of the cherry tree to the Eskimos, who then bartered with the French, specifically Napoleon and Custer, trading their cherries for lesser quality cherries. This is where the term custard pie originated, because the Eskimos kept rubbing the cherries on their faces in order to stay warm...The French gave the Indians turbans and small pox, and made them move to next to Pakistan, but everyone still made fun of the Eskimos' stained faces, which led to the creation of the Astrodome, which was a tribute to the Eskimos' igloos. But the joke was on the Eskimos, when they didn't play hockey there.
Damn Eskimos.
Labels: Humor
posted by Sonya @ 7/30/2007 12:25:00 PM,
1 Comments:
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At July 30, 2007 at 1:48 PM,
Sakshi said...
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Hehehehee..
Sorry wit is all dried up.. the dementor is winning this time!
