Emotional Roller Coaster
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
There are many things going right in my life. But on the other hand there are so many things going wrong. All I can say is that I am sad and mostly angry on the inside. I find myself going from one end of this spectrum to the other with mere seconds in between. I know many of you just thought about how sorry you feel for my significant other, with this I would agree with you. I think he is probably wondering why he bought a ticket for this emotional roller coaster.
Events in life can and most often do, knock the legs out from under us. From my family's past, I can assure you that we are quite used to quickly rushing towards the ground with barely enough time to stop our faces from smacking the dirt.
But this is different this time. At this moment, I hear my Mother's voice annoyingly pointing out that I always say that and I always get over things. But I really mean it this time, it's different. This is a pain unlike any other. It is the pain of the possibly of losing someone close to me. I find myself holding onto any other thought other than that one.
They say that there are moments in your life that you would give anything to take back. I now have one to trump all the others I thought I had. I desperately want take back the moment when they said you were sick. Someone tell me what you want from me to erase this and I will do it. Anything. No really, please tell me what you want.
The pain is not for me. OK, I will admit that part of it is, because I don't want to lose you. But it is for everyone else more. It is for my Mom who deserves to be happy and you have given her something in this world that she should have. It is for my sister who has just a hard of time of dealing with this as I do. And this is for the one that knows you can walk on water. She deserves to know you in the years coming. She deserves to have that person that stands behind her no matter what and who she knows loves her with a love that has no end. I want her to have you now and later. I desperately want her to know what it is like to know a person who stood by us, never gave up even during those extreme cases of frustration and gave us a stability we had never known.
To me, I got a father figure of someone that would be there day or night, rain or shine, good times or bad, and whether you had somewhere else you wanted to be or not.
So, I am angry. I am angry that you are sick. I am angry that there are people out there who are bad, and hurtful and bring nothing good to anyone and yet they are fine. I am angry that I may possibly lose you when I don't want to. I am angry because I am scared that you may leave.
I am sad that you and we are all hurting. I am sad that you are hurting emotionally and that you don't deserve this. I am sad that for once things were going according to plan.
This roller coaster takes me to great heights and depths over an over again.
When 'they' say life isn't fair, 'they' were so very right.
posted by Sonya @ 1/25/2012 05:39:00 PM, ,
