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The Tricks That They Played....

As I look back at so many moments while I was growing up...I realize that it must have been fun to have me around. I seemed to believe everyone when they told me something...those days are definitely gone.

As you are about to find out....I was a very gullible kid.

To set the setting for the first seven years of my life, I lived on a farm in rural Iowa. We rented an old farmhouse surrounded on 2 sides by cows and the other side was a corn field that went on for miles. And much to our weird amusement..this corn field was protected by an electric fence (in case you were wondering...very strong shock...enough to keep cattle out!). As children, we were warned to not play in the cornfield (due to getting lost and never finding your way out). We were not allowed to play in the silo's (place were they store corn...also contains toxic fumes) or in the barn (old, falling apart...could fall through and get hurt). Nor were we able to play in the pasture where the cows were because of the bull that would cause some serious injuries. The restrictions seemed endless. So when we played in the corn fields and the barn and the silo and the pasture....we were careful..... (by the way....if you have a little sister that you don't want to play with....storing her in the silo is a great idea....Mom will never look there!)

Many people that have never been around farm animals would not truly understand the concept of a cattle gate. It is not so much a gate as it is a hole in the ground with vertical metal bars evenly spaced out. This prevents cows from crossing over the cattle gate and escaping if they happen to get out of their fence. We had one such as this at the end of the driveway to stop escaping cows. However, for someone with small feet, this is terrifying. The hole is not very deep, but enough for you to fall through, into water to approximately your knee. Still an altogether scary experience. To many this probably doesn't sound that bad, but to me....it made me terrified. It could be due to the problem of crossing it....or....it could be due to the fact that my sister told me that alligators lived in the water and would rip my legs off. I would start worrying about crossing the alligators when I left the house, work into a frenzy in the half mile till the end of the road and then be sure I was going to die by the time the gate came into view. I found out many years later that there were not alligators....but by then I was more worried about the quick sand......

Quick sand....seems to run rampant in the Midwest....well OK not really...but also didn't find that out until many years later. On the side of the driveway was a pit of sand that was always a little wet. This was due to a small bed of water that ran near there. But at age seven...some things aren't obvious. Again, my wonderful older sister told me that if I ever fell in, that it would suck me under and I would die immediately of suffocation. Then just to speed up the frenzy she would push me near it and watch me scream and cry. These daily trips to school were torture before I even got to the bus.

When I wasn't worried about death by alligators or quick sand....I was hunting the small village of smurfs that lived near by. Wonderful older sister told me that they moved their village often to keep people away, but that she had found them. These directions consisted of pointing a finger into the woods and saying 'right over there'. You can probably see where this is going....yup...I went looking. Surprisingly...I never found the village....but it was not due to the lack of trying. Many afternoons were spent trying to find them since I felt they could use my help when Gargamel came looking for them. Oh the days......

Well, don't get your hopes up....it just wasn't dear old sister that liked to poke some fun. We moved South when I was seven and lived in a house that had a tree with these large burrs on them. For some unknown reason....these burrs freaked me out to where I would just stare at them and scream (no way was I touching them). They would stick to anything....you can probably see where this is going. Once my mom and aunt realized that I would freak out with these things.....they had their fun. They would gather a handful and then toss them on me one by one. I stood there screaming at the burrs, refusing to pull them off or move, screaming with renewed vigor as each new one was added. Apparently (so I been told many times) this was very amusing. See the funny monkey dance......

Oh...that is not all by far....fasten your seat belt.

As I got older, I got a little wiser...don't get carried away...apparently not by much. I was curious about many things. So, to get answers since all mothers know everything...I asked Mom. My question to my mom was....do buzzards (dead carcass eating birds) find prey because of smell or because it doesn't move. Apparently this was too good to pass up, so she told me that it's because dead animals don't move and to not lay around outside without moving, otherwise they will come and get me. As any child would do.....I had to test this. Whenever buzzards were spotted, I immediately dropped to the ground and became motionless. I spent many, many, many hours laying outside in the driveway not moving, waiting for the buzzards to come. I was sad to report that no buzzards came to take me away. My mom even acted surprised......she should have been an actress.

Around that same time, my family built a house on many acres. On this land, we had a pond. A very small pond, but deep none the less. Since we lived in Georgia, Mom worried about her intelligent children thinking we could skate on the pond in the winter. Clever as she was, she took care of the problem. A friend of the family and my mother informed me that if I went near the water in the winter and got wet....I would get polio. They said that I would immediately grow a huge hunchback that could never be fixed. I was terrified. I never went close to the water until mid-summer...I didn't want a hunchback.....

Those are just a few of the big ones...and there are many more embarrassing stories to follow.....

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posted by Sonya @ 1/17/2007 12:24:00 PM,

4 Comments:

At January 17, 2007 at 1:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROTFLMAO..
I guess even my worst gullible stories are not bad as this ...
And by the buzzards can spot a liar from miles high..
And now I know where the hunchback came from :)

 
At January 17, 2007 at 1:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oops .. Did not sign in..
That was me - The American you

 
At January 18, 2007 at 9:33 AM, Anonymous DP said...

Did anyone in your family teach you anything that had truthiness???

They might as well taught you red was blue and up was down. Now that would be funny. That would give any kindergarten teacher a confusing mind job indeed.

 
At January 18, 2007 at 5:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahahaa..Yea, I can't believe you could have been THAT gullible as a kid! Look at you now !!!

 

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