Dating Horrors: "Face Licker"
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
| There are so many bad date stories that I have to tell...I'll have to release them in installments. So here goes one of the best of the stories over the past few years. First and foremost...my favorite: "Face Licker" We'll call him Bill. I met Bill on my daily train ride into Chicago while I was getting my Master's. We started a very nice and intelligent conversation about anything and everything. I really enjoyed our conversations on those occasions. We would sit together and talk for the hour and a half train ride in on multiple mornings and even a few evenings. Bill was a CPA at a hospital downtown and was a very intelligent guy. As the natural way of things, Bill asked me out weeks later for dinner in the town where we both started our journey to the city. I accepted dinner on a Friday evening. We casually sat and ate pizza at a local place with nice conversation. The only draw back that I had initially was that he talked about how much money he had multiple times. But, being the understanding person that I am not usually, I turned the conversation and overlooked those incidents. I thought maybe he was a little nervous and wanted to impress me. All and all..not a bad evening. He then proceeded to ask me out for a real date the next evening and I accepted. If only I would have ended it there...... The next evening started off nicely. He bought me a small, thoughtful gift of a fish tank oxygen supplying motor (only about $6, but thoughtful). It may seem like a weird gift, but the reason is I was doing field research and my organisms needed to be oxygenated or they would die...I was talking about it on the train one day and how I had to go to the lab each time I went to the field site. He remembered and looked into it. I was impressed. If only I would have ended it there.... We then went to dinner at restaurant that I had never been to before. Here is where things started to get interesting. To get to know me, he would ask a question...however, before I could fully answer the question, he would change the subject and ask another question. The next hour went on in this fashion...with him asking, me starting to answer and him asking another...so on and so on. I even started to add random words that didn't make sense and he never caught on. He was a great listener! He talked about himself so much...it felt like I lived his memories. I was starting to get irritated! In hindsight...I should have left at this moment...but no.... We then went a movie...it was a bad movie. We proceeded to sit down in the back of the theatre. He was adamant and would not be deterred from the back row. Should have taken this as a BIG clue! The lights go down and the movie starts...and my dude takes this as his cue. He turns and proceeds to try and suck my face off. I stop him with my hand on his face multiple times. At this point he is leaning over me so much, I am leaning over the next seat. He then proceeds to tell me that he is getting a ache in his back from sitting that way...I tell him to sit normal and he says....wait for it...." I could sit on your lap". I say " or you could sit in the front of the theatre". He solves this dilemma by moving to the other side of me. He thinks this might be a better angle to suck my face off. Obviously back row equals hotel room. How could I have not know that. At this point, I now am leaning in the other direction and starting straight ahead. Oh yea..it gets worse... I am ignoring him as much as humanly possible. I get this weird feeling that he is watching me...so I look over and he is leaning towards me, about an inch from my cheek me with his tongue sticking out. He looks me in the eye and seductively says, " I am the best licker ever!". I calmly look at him, and palm his face like a basketball. I tell him to get off me. I spent the next 35 minutes in the bathroom, talking to my sister on the phone and waiting for the movie to end. The perceptive guy that he was....he actually asked me out again. Surprisingly, I said no and he actually asked why not. If it only ended there.... Of course since we met on the train, I was bound to see him again. Well, since I wouldn't talk to him and I avoided sitting next to him, he proceeded to find me on the train, turn the seat around and stare at me for the whole hour and a half multiple times. I finally screamed at him and told him to stop stalking me. Great date!! It took a while to date again. |
Labels: Dating Horrors: Book I
posted by Sonya @ 1/02/2007 04:38:00 PM,
4 Comments:
-
At January 2, 2007 at 5:33 PM,
Sakshi said...
-
ROTFLMAO..........
Let me guess.. a YDM?
A tip - drive yourself. That way you can excuse yourself and run home :) -
At January 2, 2007 at 5:37 PM,
Sonya said...
-
@ Sakshi -- Yes a YDM...how in the world did you guess...maybe it was the sucking the face off the minute the lights went down??? I have never made that mistake again. I never sit in the back row either.
-
At January 3, 2007 at 5:53 PM,
Big Sky said...
-
good oral skills, such as this gentlemans, should not be dismissed so quickly....
-
At January 3, 2007 at 10:05 PM,
Sonya said...
-
@Big Sky -- I am in agreement with you 100%...I just thought it was the general rule that you wait to announce those little tidbits of information when said girl is not repulsed by you. Or perhaps..in a more subtle way not involving hanging of the before mentioned tongue at a mere inch from my face. This could have been a seductive move...and yet...it was not.
